Hello friends. I decided to start a bi-monthly substack as a way to keep in touch and let you know what I’m up to, what I’m thinking about, what I’m working on, and to feel connected to you without relying on social media. Twice a month, I’ll send you a newsletter that may or may not have new work, old work, a peak into my process, news about art shows, art shows I saw that you should see, a mix of music you might like, grants and residencies I am applying for that you may want to apply for also, book + podcast recommendations to strengthen your flow. It’s a toolbox of everything I find helpful in my journey to supporting myself mentally and financially as an artist. It’s free for now. Thanks for following along.

It all started the October before the pandemic. I was living in Echo Park right across the street from Elysian Park with my dog Sophie. I just ended a 5-year business venture, right after ending another 5-year business venture and I was unsure of where to go next. I worked in fashion for almost 20 years; do I start another clothing company? That didn’t feel right. It gave me a stomach ache even thinking about it. So, I started working with a life coach. Bryan Winston and I met about two years earlier when I launched my well-designed natural toothpaste company (?!) at Complexcon in Long Beach. Even then, I felt very unfulfilled and had a nagging feeling that I wasn’t reaching my potential or being my authentic self. But I still wasn’t aware of what it was that would make me feel whole or happy.

I just spent the last 5 years detoxing from 16 years in NYC and doing what everyone in LA does, focusing on self-improvement through all kinds of weird yoga, therapy, hiking, psychedelic drugs, sunshine and heavy doses of Erewhon. I felt very fit and relaxed, but still purposeless. Making good friends and getting healthy mentally and physically was my purpose, but yet, I still felt like I was missing out on something. So, back to Bryan, my life coach. I started working with him over zoom once a week. Our short conversations and his prescribed reading informed my beacon. I got to a place where I could finally admit that all I wanted to do was make art.

I had a traumatic childhood. It was getting in the way. (my collage postcards below explain the sensation) I didn’t think I deserved to be happy. And that’s the bottom of it. One of the books Bryan recommended is called “Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender” by David Hawkins. Even after all of the Kundalini and Ram Dass, I didn’t know that holding onto this childhood trauma was a choice. After reading that book 3 times, I acquired the tool to let things go. I let go of the bad breakup, the regret of not going to art school, the bullying, the abuse, the abortions, the car accident, the feeling of not being worthy, and anything else blocking up my channel. And there it was underneath all of that, my authentic self wanting to make art. I unblocked my geyser so to speak.

So, here I am almost three years later. I moved back to NYC for a while, went into my studio every day, took as many glass classes as I could wrangle, and recently moved upstate to Corning, NY, a ten-minute walk to the glass studio. What a wild ride.

Anyway, here is a bowl I made at Urban Glass a couple of months ago. Glass is fucking hard. It’s so hard and keeps me humble, but I feel so incredibly happy when I am in the hot shop.

Today I read my iChing. It said “keeping still is an inverted bowl,” which is a good reminder to never not be working, that my life is my work and my work is my life. Well, I’ve done enough rambling for now. Until next time! x jess

P.S. I found this Friedemann Indian Summer record at CD Cafe on Market Street in Corning a couple of months ago. It’s been on repeat ever since. Have a listen. Not to be confused with this Indian Summer 7”, which I also appreciate.

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